Fucking Okies, I swear…


You know what the first think the Okie boy said after sex for the first time, right?
“Roll over Pa, you’re crushin’ my smokes.”

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Day 5


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Meanwhile, in California…


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Yeah well, whattya gonna do.


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It’s the simple things in life

Miss Lisa is hard to buy for. She doesn’t wear jewelry, she’s not a shoe whore, she’s not into fashionable handbags, none of the nightmare shit. Matter of fact, about the only thing she does enjoy is decorating our house – over and over and over again.
Bear with me for a second.

I buy a lot of shit online. If I can’t find it at a local business, I’ll just buy the fucker online – saves me the headache of human interaction, you know? But it’s not unusual to have 3-4 packages a week show up – all for me. I mean, it’s not expensive shit – maybe a 50 cent spring or an $8 tube of the latest and greatest carbon cleaner, shit like that. Being linked to Lisa’s Amazon Prime account and getting free shipping makes it real easy.

One day, after her remarking that all these boxes get delivered to the house and none of them are for her, I started racking my brain for something to buy her. Then it hit me. Now she may have mentioned this to me several times in the past, but I’m taking credit for at least remembering it.
The next package was for her:


A pink toolbox with pink tools.
She went fucking nuts over this. She thought this was the greatest goddamned thing a man could buy his beloved. She took every piece out, cooed over it, showed it to me, petted it, put it back and moved on to the next. She opened that package at 6 PM when I got home and when I went to bed 3 hours later she was still admiring it.
Oh, and the first time I went to use something out of it (what the fuck, it was close at hand) she damned near broke my arm. “Don’t use my fucking tools” she snarled. Yes ma’am. I mean no ma’am.

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Your Good Morning Girl


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This brings to mind the time my phone rings about midnight and it’s my partner Randy. “Hey, whatcha doin’?” like he calls that late every night.
“Nothing, man. Sitting here finishing getting fucked up.”
“Cool. I need a fucking ride.” He sounded a bit agitated and there was a hell of a racket in the background.
“All right, where you at?” I asked, reaching for my boots.
“Uh….. San Francisco. At the bus station on Columbus, I think. I beat the shit out of Dean and he split back to Modesto and I left my fucking wallet in his truck. I should’ve thought of that before I hammered him. I had to panhandle change to make this call. So, in a couple hours? Bring weed too.”
“Yeah, I’m leaving now. Be visible so I don’t have to hunt you down.” San Francisco? That’s a little out of his comfort zone. But Dean was a Bay Area boy, he probably bragged up his connections there trying to brown nose Randy, then couldn’t come through and got his ass beat for his efforts. I’ll find out when I get there.
A couple of hours later I pull up in front of this bus station. Fuck-ing ghet-to, man. I mean, even at 2 AM the area is thriving with hookers and pimps and cutthroats and thieves, not a white face in the crowd. And naturally, Randy was nowhere in sight. Motherfucker, I was hoping he’d be outside and waiting so I could just pull up, load up and leave. I find a place to park and walking to the entrance I’m approached 3 times by motherfuckers trying to sell me heroin.
I spot Randy sprawled in one of them bus stations seats that you can’t sleep in without sliding out, reading something, again the only white face in the crowd. “Hey, what the fuck, you can’t be outside waiting for me?”
“I ain’t going out there without no back-up. Hey, you gotta check this shit out” and with that he gets up and leads me to the bathroom. Once inside, he points.
Inside, there are regular stalls, but on each and every one of them is welded angle iron, from the top of the stall to the ceiling and from the bottom to the floor, and they’re stretched with barbed wire. Now this being San Francisco I’m not entirely sure if that was to prevent robbery or rape, but damn…
I don’t blame him for not wanting to wait for me outside.

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Ya gotta start somewhere

'start somewhere

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For Michael in Nelson

No, this chick can crack coconuts!


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Oh, Jesus…..


I gotta wonder what the fuck’s up with the parents? First of all, they raise this freak to be this way and then they’re willing to go out in public with them dressed like that? Are you fucking serious? If my kid (if I had a kid), adult kid, came up to me dressed like that, fucking ears and tail and collars and shit, and wanted me to go someplace like that with them, it would be “Sure, but I wanna hang back about 25 feet so I can watch motherfuckers laugh at you.”

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Well, why the fuck not?

Nathan Collier said he was inspired by the recent Supreme Court decision that made marriage equal. He said he was particularly struck by the words of dissenting Chief Justice John Roberts who claimed giving gay couples the right to marry, might inspire polygamy.

And so this week, Mr Collier and his two wives, Victoria and Christine, entered a courthouse in Billings, Montana, and sought an application to legalise the trio’s polygamous union,

“Right now we’re waiting for an answer,” Mr Collier told The Independent. “I have two wives because I love two women and I want my second wife to have the same legal rights and protection as my first.”

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Gotta be California (again)


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White boy got owned


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Another “Aw fuck” moment in time


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That’s marryin’ material right there


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So that gay marriage thing didn’t work out, huh?


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Room with a view


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Probably downrange on the pheasant season opener


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Miss Oklahoma 2014


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So what’s gonna change?

It was the craziest political scandal to hit California in a while. In March 2014, State Sen. Leland Yee, in the midst of a campaign for secretary of state, was arrested in part of a massive raid in the FBI area, accused of political corruption and helping arrange illegal firearm deals on behalf of violent group in the Philippines.

That scandal was crazy enough, but adding fuel to the fire was the fact that Yee, a Democrat, was also an open supporter of tougher gun control laws and was a proponent of legislation in California to ban the sales of violent video games to children, a law that the Supreme Court subsequently struck down as unconstitutional. Yee was a critic of games like Grand Theft Auto, even though he apparently behaved in real life like one of its characters. He took political hypocrisy to brand new heights.

Today it all ends with a plea deal. He has agreed to plead guilty of one count of racketeering in federal court and faces the possibility of up to 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. From the Los Angeles Times:

Yee was indicted in March 2014 on charges of accepting $62,000 in campaign contributions in return for legislative favors and offering to arrange the sale of machine guns and shoulder-fired missiles to an undercover FBI agent posing as a mob figure.

Racketeering charges were added later, alleging that he attempted to extort campaign contributions from an NFL team owner and supporters of mixed martial arts.

Yee originally pleaded not guilty and remained in office on paid suspension until his term expired at the end of 2014. The three co-defendants, including Yee polticial consultant Keith Jackson, also had pleaded not guilty.

While the “sexiness” of the arms-related crime and Yee’s hypocrisy got the most attention back in 2014, I previously wrote that a lot of the corruption Yee is charged with appeared pretty much to be political business as usual.


He won’t serve a day. If he does, it’ll be at some federale country club prison for white collar criminals, the kind of place where you have to reserve your tennis serving time.

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And yet another use


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Give her a break, she’s new at this


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Me and my guys

.me and the boys

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