YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPERS!!!

I just now got a jury summons – for today, postmarked yesterday. No shit, for today.
Not only that but last time I had jury duty a few years ago, they were issuing arrest warrants on the spot for folks that blew it off.
Fucking wonderful. Now the DHS, FBI, ATF and the ever-elite Stanislaus County Sheriff SWAT teams are gonna kick in my doors, shoot my dogs, destroy the house and piss Miss Lisa off just because I missed jury duty.

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23 Responses to YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPERS!!!

  1. angeleyes says:

    A guy like me might want a guy like you sitting on my jury…

  2. SemperFi, 0321 says:

    I get irs letter with crazy dates, like yesterday from Fresno or Austin, impossible to deliver overnight from 4 states away to where I live. And the amount of time left to respond is hardly do-able either. It’s done on purpose when they know you can’t possibly meet their time limits.
    Just another fukn rigged game to scare people.

  3. cato1776 says:

    The letter sat in a “federal” post office for 7 days before it was processed by a DHS undercover employee.

    Government doesn’t make mistakes….or at least no one will admit it.

    Keep the dated envelope in a safe, fire proof place, Miss Lisa will need it to get reimbursement for fixing the front door and the furniture the 15 man swat team destroys.
    Oh, Yeah……. and sleep lightly!!!!
    You’re screwed.

    Just kidding…. I hope !!

  4. Nic says:

    Good luck fucker!!!! Hold off for 20+ hours. Well be in route

  5. Looks like a setup. Sleep tight.

  6. Stretch says:

    SRSLY! Take envelope AND summons to lawyer. Swear out affidavit re. receipt date. Have notarized copies of envelope, summons and affidavit left with lawyer. Hand carry items to Clerk of the Court. Advise him that lawyer has copies.

  7. Corey says:

    Wear a Fuck Obama shirt and you won’t get selected.

  8. Eric says:

    … What Stretch and Corey said.

  9. D S Craft says:

    Wow, arrest warrants. I’ve ignored the last two jury duty notices I’ve received and haven’t heard a thing. Last one was for April of this year. The county government doesn’t seem to have too much on the ball here in San Diego. Some years ago I received a notice that I had to buy a dog licence after I had my Chihuahua pup vaccinated for rabies. I ignored them because I’m not paying anyone for the right to keep a dog inside my house or back yard. Never heard from them again.

  10. livin to ride says:

    was nice knowing ya

    had the same happen to me twice

  11. hiswiserangel says:

    WC gave me all of his funeral arrangement preferences. I’d prefer to be handling his bail.

  12. Bruce Wayne says:

    “are gonna kick in my doors, shoot my dogs, destroy the house and piss Miss Lisa off”… Oh, man. Out of all of the shit they’re gonna do – when you stated, “and piss Miss Lisa off” I just about shit myself I laughed so hard!

  13. Wirecutter,

    (captaincrunch)

    Jail’s a lot like ‘Boot Camp’ I’m sure Miss Lisa (and angel) will keep you ‘fat’ with commissary money.

    Hope you like Ramen Noodles and Snicker bars.

  14. madminute says:

    go on a road trip!

    • Fenris says:

      What’re you talking about? He’s been with family in Oklahoma since last Thursday.

  15. truthzzzz says:

    Jail. Now you will know what a modern school is like.

  16. Bootmaker says:

    call the court house that issued the summons n splain to them that yer wife cant see to drive and that you serving on a jury would be a hardship on her.
    its worked for me for the last few years.
    most jury rosters are taken from voter lists, so i get put back on it every year when they send my voter card.
    and sure as clockwork, every year i get a new jury summons, and have to go down and tell them and get excused again.
    youd think that theyd wise up n take my name off the jury roster, but theyre just not that bright.
    or just too lazy for the one wing of the courthouse to call the other wing and tell them.

  17. jay352 says:

    The question is ; Are you on their list? The last time someone called the cops on me (For a disturbance) 9 squad cars showed up. Made me feel kinda bad ass. LOL and good luck.

  18. Randy says:

    Had a serious accident last year and was at fault. I was the only one injured, and my insurance paid for all damages. The State Patrol pig who investigated waited 13 months and then had a warrant issued for my arrest. The charge? Failure to maintain lane! I was told that the cops were looking for me, so I made repeated calls and emails to the solicitors office explaining that I was a few days out of serious surgery and in no shape for jail. They promised to fix it, then the cops show up and drag me to jail. I’ve paid taxes on multiple properties and stayed out of trouble in this fucking county for 40 years.
    I’ll never again participate in the travesty they call justice around here. The next time I get summoned, I’ll start talking about jury nullification and promise to acquit any defendant I’m forced to judge. Screw ’em.

    • MM says:

      Your first mistake, once you learned of the impending arrest, was to try and deal with it yourself-always call a lawyer well versed in dealing with cops.

      Your next mistake was believing them that they would “fix” it.

      This is a bit off thread, but never, never call the fucking cops-almost 100% of the time, the situation will escalate. Pissed at your wife? Take a walk. Your neighbor is a shitheel? Take a walk and talk later when you’re calmer. Find a fucking body on your front lawn? Drag it to the middle of the street(don’t leave those tell tale drag marks either)

  19. Falcon says:

    Man, I’ll fix your doors, Take your dogs and shelter them at my house, Help you fix your house back up, But as far as a pissed of Miss Lisa—someone else will have to handle that situation. Good luck with those A-Holes at the courthouse.

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