HEY! Stay the fuck away from my S’mores!

The U.S. Forest Service on Friday published a nearly 700-word article on how to safely roast marshmallows, all in preparation for Saturday, which is National Roasted Marshmallow Day.

As one might expect, the article is riddled with safety tips that might make you think twice about even carrying matches into the forest at all, let alone actually igniting a marshmallow and putting your family’s life at risk.

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8 Responses to HEY! Stay the fuck away from my S’mores!

  1. hiswiserangel says:

    I burned down a tent with a flaming marshmallow once.
    But that’s a story for another day.

    • Concerned Mama says:

      The only question here is ‘Was it intentional?’

      I can see your reply now:
      ‘No sir, I had no idea so and so was in the tent. Totally an accident. But hey, I did humanity a favor.’

      • hiswiserangel says:

        We were roasting marshmallows around the campfire; it caught fire while I was telling a story, gesturing wildly, and was launched from the end of the stick, flying in a graceful arc to land on the top Sgt. Williams’ tent. (this was an ROTC campout for the newbies to lull us into false security). His cheap nylon tent went up like it was soaked in kerosene. Purely unintentional, but Sgt. Williams had it in for me for the next two years.

      • Sara says:

        It was… intense. In tents. Intentionally intents.

  2. Grog says:


    But, knowing how 90% of the population is conditioned to accept this bullshit, it’s not surprising the FS published the article.

  3. dogpigcat says:

    It’s International Bacon Day! Fuck them marshmallows and their sweet sugary treats too!

  4. pdwalker says:

    Some useless government employee needs to justify his salary.

  5. SemperFi, 0321 says:

    Hey, when you’re wallowing in money from not doing your normal jobs, like trail and road maintenance, or campground maintenance, you’ve got to do something for the public, right? A little safety message goes a long way to keeping up a good public image.

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