The New Improved Wirecutter

I decided to dump the wore-out old man look and go with ruggedly handsome.
My fucking beard got so long it was starting to dread up and shit. Then I found a grasshopper in it. Then CharlieGodammit decided it was a bush and tried to hike his leg on it.
Okay, here’s the real deal. Once it gets to be 6 or 7 inches long it starts to bug the fuck out of me when the wind blows. I don’t know why, it just does, almost like somebody’s pulling on it. When that happens, I cut it off and start over. No big deal except I can’t hardly think without having something to tug on while contemplating.


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51 Responses to The New Improved Wirecutter

  1. madminute says:

    looks sharp!

  2. angeleyes says:

    Shave your shoulders, Skinny Jesus. Dang.
    OK, I’m drunk after a grinding end of month production push, so be kind.

  3. dogpigcat says:

    You almost look fucking civilized but yeah the sheep will still hide their valuables from you. That no bullshit look in the eyes gives you away.

  4. Gene Lowe says:

    Hehehe — you said you decided to dump the wore-out old man look and go with ruggedly handsome — Smile — And when, pray tell is the ruggedly handsome look supposed to start?
    No offense meant – but you is uglier than a sack of cocks. Bwaahahahahaha

  5. Cederq says:

    Your a right handsome sumbitch even if I wasn’t gay….I ain’t gay so no snide remarks… When my goat gets too long I have to take a sickle to it too…

  6. Bruce Wayne says:

    Now get a haircut, ya hippie!
    Just jokin’ – makes you look 20 years younger!

  7. lownewulfe says:

    You’re a better man than me. My chin fuzz hits about 5 or 6 inches and the sleepy drool pastes it into my nose which pisses me off cuz I wake up in the middle of the night freaking out thinking a Daddy Longlegs just crawled up my nostril.

  8. Brian says:

    Still maintaining that “Who gives a f**k” look and that’s what’s important.

  9. skybill says:

    Hi Kenny,
    Been there, done that, both beard and hair. Grows out, chop it off, start over, repeat. That was from ’71, when I got out of the Navy till ’83 when the beard went and the hair got a really short cut from a sexy hairdresser lady friend!! Loved to have her run her fingers thru my hair!!…..
    ‘Used ta’ know it was time for a trim when I’d go on a skydive and my beard would reach my goggles in freefall!!!
    Got Gunz?,

  10. madminute says:

    love that 10000 yard stare!

  11. rocky says:

    Seems like I’ve seen you hanging around somewhere in a church. Just saying….

  12. Deb says:


  13. hiswiserangel says:

    Jesus? I don’t see it. And Angel eyes, that’s his head hair laying gently upon his very freckled shoulders. I’m a redhead, I know freckles.

  14. C W Swanson says:

    Nope, Jesus older, meaner brother, Hay-zues.

  15. Bootmaker says:

    nice trim job on the beard amigo. every time I try to get that effect, I fuck it up.
    and Im too cheap to pay someone to do it right.
    so, I just let it go.
    Besides, if i came home without facial furr, the wife would shoot first n ask questions later (yeah, I taught her that).
    and im not sure that her dog (pushing 100 lbs now) would let me in the door.

    • Wirecutter says:

      Ha! I caught fire once and burned of my beard and most of my hair. After I got it cut and shaved, Mom refused to open the door for me and when I got home my fucking dog bit me.

  16. Snap says:

    Why do I hear “Longhaired Redneck” by David Allen Coe when I look at this pic?

  17. Inbredredneck says:

    Yeah, mine’s gettin’ to where I can see it blowin’ over my shoulders in the mirrors. Time for a trim so it’ll grow back for the Santa look. I usually wear the red hat at work for the last few days before Xmas.
    Of course, on top I ain’t got but about 10% of what you’re sportin’.
    BTW, last time I shaved was Oct. 17th, 1969. Nobody seemed to care how I looked when I processed out at Oakland Army Base. I think they were as glad to see me go as I was to leave.

  18. Scott Carmichael Ohio says:

    Gotta love it. I wanna see high & tight, tho. Pussy.

  19. 'fucken louie' says:

    looks like that ‘jesus’ on toast thing!

  20. dhanna59 says:

    Now all the wimmerzen gonna gonna freak out over the new Wirecutter portrait….JFC I already knew what an ugly bastard you were. Did you have to reinforce it? Ooops. you’re not a bastard(thanks to Mom and Dad Lane) Anyway Kenny, you are so dam ugly you remind me of me…I had to take all of the mirrors out of the house or else I would be late for work….

  21. martin says:

    Did you save the clippings to make a pillow for Charliegoddammit?

  22. Richard Lucas says:

    Next pict you post is gonna be in a suit, clean shaved and a high and tight!

  23. Sara says:

    So typical male then? Gotta tug on something if you’re just letting the wonder wander?

  24. drjim says:

    I always weed whack my beard back in the spring because otherwise it gets all full of sweat when I’m working outside, and I just frikin’ HATE having sweat drip on whatever I’m working on!

    • Wirecutter says:

      Funny thing, that has never bothered me. It’s just the wind blowing it that I can’t handle, it’s almost like somebody is touching my face and that’s one thing I can’t deal with.

  25. Johnboy says:

    Without looking at the other posts, I see the pic as a haggard Jesus look, but I do believe that is the neatest and cleanest I’ve ever seen you looking. My wife just trimmed me a little and then I showered and shaved and I do have to admit I feel more human myself right now.

  26. Rebecca says:

    Well I think it looks very dignified. One might even say handsome. Nothing wrong with that at all..

  27. Tom says:

    Setting your face on fire sucks, did it once while practicing fire breathing with liquid lighter fluid. Bad moment when that wind shifts.

  28. Ian Restil says:

    “No big deal except I can’t hardly think without having something to tug on while contemplating.”

    Recon approximately 3 feet south, and you’ll likely find something to tug on at hand whilst having a think. Given the new look, I’m sure you won’t need to concern yourself about emulating Jimmy Carter.

  29. Dan O says:

    Let mine grow last Winter as long as I’ve ever had it. Trimmed about 6 inches off around March or so. Got tired of eating leftovers out of it. Trimmed another couple inches off last month. Winter coming, time to put the trimmer away again.

  30. DAN III says:

    Damn man, that hippie hair-do went out in the 60s. You need a high & tight. You’re a geezer.

    • Wirecutter says:

      I didn’t even wear a high and tight when I was in the army. I pulled more extra duty for not keeping my hair cut than anybody I know.

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