One I wish I could remember

New Year’s Eve. It’s really about the only night we have to celebrate just to be getting fucked up. And man, have I gotten fucked up on New Years Eve before. I got so fucked up New Years 1980 that I set off the show at the Enlisted Men’s Club at 9 PM. The funny part was everybody else was as fucked up as I was and started popping the corks on their complimentary bottle of champagne and singing the ‘For Old Acquaintances nah nah nah’ song – you know the one – and slapping each other on the backs. The band was up on the stage going “What the fuck?” – no really, you could hear them saying that over their mics, and the fucking club manager was trying to calm everybody down while kicking my ass out at the same time. Then the riot started near the stage…..
New Year’s Eve, 1980. The year the club closed at 9:15, surrounded by MPs and ambulances, 2 people hospitalized and a shitload of others treated and released, and I apparently got away in the confusion.

I woke up the next morning in my own bunk, fully clothed and reeking of cheap champagne and wearing my roommate’s expensive Italian leather jacket which I don’t think I need to mention was ruined.
I had some recollection of what transpired the evening before but apparently not enough, because as soon as motherfuckers started rousing around the barracks they were all in my room telling me all about it and pouring me shots and lighting bowls and laughing their asses off. “Yeah man, you’d been hitting a heavy nod for about two hours and then all of a sudden you jumped up on the table yelling ‘Happy New Year, motherfuckers!’ and spraying everybody with champagne.”
“Yeah, and then when Sgt Maxwell started draggin you to the door after you threw your bottle at the bar, you was growlin and bitin him on the leg! Like a fucking bulldog, man!”
“Then you finally let go and puked in the doorway so when the MPs showed and everybody was trying to jam, they were slipping and sliding and falling all in that shit and you were outside laughing like a maniac.”
“Last we saw of you, you were staggering off towards the barracks. Staggering and puking, staggering and puking….”

Damn. Good times.

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27 Responses to One I wish I could remember

  1. Charlie says:

    Epic.

  2. Hey Wirecutter,

    (captaincrunch)

    When I was in the Navy and my ship was sent to Diego Garcia we all got Liberty (allowed to go ashore) and of course we all got fucked up (most of us in the deck divisions) I got back to the boat and passed out in my rack. I woke up a short time later and all four deck divisions supervisors (all E-5’s) were trading punches in a “true four way fight” right next to my rack with everyone yelling and screaming. I just rolled over and went back to sleep.

    I also remember the entire crew of the Battleship Missouri when it was still active duty back in the late 80’s getting banned from a nightclub on base called ‘Tradewinds” (we called that bar Tradepunches)

    ‘Just thinking about it, at one time in my life I had to have a ‘Liberty card” with my military I.D. so I could leave the ship I was onboard. If I got into trouble. I would lose my Liberty card.

    ‘ever since then, I appreciate liberty a little bit more.

  3. Angel says:

    1980? I was 14, had a 10 pm curfew, and was too busy preparing for the PSAT to party.

  4. Shell says:

    Whether you do or not that’s one to be proud of, man.

  5. Jack58 says:

    I’m starting to think to hell with the book – just go straight to the movie..

  6. madminute says:

    All the best to You and Miss Lisa in the new year Braheem!

  7. Bootmaker says:

    The few New Year’s celebrations that i am able to remember did also involve lots of puking and staggering.
    and a trip or two to jail
    then i got into the bar business and decided that it was a night for amateurs that just got in the way of folks who really knew how to party.
    nowdays i sit at home and drink and watch the lunacy on the internet feed.
    the times square cam is going to be a hoot tonight.
    ill be warm, wont have to pay for my drinks, wont have to worry about the cops, and to top it off…wont have to stand in line for the bathroom.
    and no calls to the bail bondsman.
    still have the hangovers tho

    • Wirecutter says:

      YOU OWN A BAR TOO, MAN? REALLY???

      • Bootmaker says:

        No. almost bought one in OKC once, but decided my partner was too shadey and backed away from the deal.
        I have run bars and nightclubs for others tho.
        one or two of them were topless/go-go joints.
        and, you wont wanna believe this amigo, but they’re more trouble than they’re worth.
        most of the strippers ive ever known are dumber than dirt.
        always calling in sick or coming in late
        rolling my customers
        stealing anything that isnt nailed down
        stashing dope all over the place
        and then they take all this money and give it to their boyfriends, who are either greasy assd bikers or pimply assed speed freaks
        dont get me wrong there.
        i have been both(greasy biker AND pimply speed freak) at one time or another,
        but they’re impossible to do business with.

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