Gift rules

NO receipt in package, NONE. Say it was a fucking gift, a payback from a long lost friend, I don’t care as long as you don’t include a receipt.If Lisa sees a price, I’m fucked.

No delivery after 6 PM. I usually don’t get home until 6 and it still gives me perverse pleasure to still get a package that Miss Lisa don’t know about – especially if it’s gun parts.

No porn: That shit bit me in the ass last week. Thanks anyways, Bro.

No drugs: God, it killed me to write that. Never mind, mail what you can, it’s all good. I’ll figure it out before I get to the house.

No alcohol whatsoever, but if Matthew can get away with it, likely you can too – give a shot, what can it hurt?

Firearms: You bet.

Humor, folks. I’m not trolling for gifts.

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12 Responses to Gift rules

  1. Anonymous says:

    What gives me a away to the wife as far as gifts getting is being in a good mood all of a sudden, excusing myself to ‘take care of a quick errand’, that kind of thing. Being out of character. Wife gets suspicious otherwise – I’m normally a curmudgeon.

  2. Angel says:

    So when’s a good time to send you a box of dildos?

  3. Unclezip says:

    While I was deployed, my Mom sent me an aid package which included cookies and porn. She never mentioned it, and I never asked, and I never heard the end of it from my crew. To this day I think it was my step-dad fucking with me.

    • warhorse says:

      I had a friend that was overseas during Desert Shield got his .45 shipped to him in cookie care packages over a period of 3 months. each time the cookie tin, with 10-packs of cookies wrapped in tin foil. near the bottom somewhere, there would be a slide, a barrel, or a frame, a magazine, with some ammo to fill out the tinfoil so it looked like the rest of the cookies. he never got caught, and no one ever asked where he got the .45 from

  4. Millerized says:

    I’ll wait until you’re a bit closer before I send you firearms….if’n that’s OK?

  5. livin to ride says:

    you are lucky
    all i get in the mail is bills.. guns n ammo would be nice hell ham radio gear would be nice too
    but the only time i get stuff like that is when i buy it myself which isn’t very often anymore

  6. bob e says:

    how about a DNA sample of barry o’fraud ?? YUK .. let some sick M E
    go dig it outta’ some scummy black ass .. we would all be DEAD, if we got our hands on that report ..

  7. pdwalker says:

    I can’t decide whether to say “A man has got to have standards” or “A man has got to know his limitations”, so the heck with it. I’ll say both.

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