The company I work for employs a janitorial service to clean the lunchroom, locker room, restrooms and offices and they employ folks that I can only assume are illegals – silver teeth, no habla englis, old Mexico style of dress and haircuts, etc.
A couple weeks ago I was in Stall #5 (my favorite) grunting and farting when I heard the female janitor saying something at the doorway and I figured she was talking to one of our employees so I didn’t pay her any mind.
I finished my chapter and was stepping out of ol’ #5, still in the process of buttoning and zipping up and came face to face with her. It embarrassed me, it embarrassed her and she started letting me know about it – loudly, vehemently and in metsican, so loudly that Johnny (the guy that gave me that Blackhawk 45) came in wondering what all the racket was. He could hear it all the way out in the lunchroom. After listening to her, he turns to me and says “She asked twice if there was anybody in there and nobody answered. Then she turned the corner and came face to face with a gringo with his dick in his hand. It embarrassed her, she says you should have told her you were in there. So, was your dick hard or what?”
“Man, I don’t speak y’all’s gutter language. I didn’t know what she was saying or who she was talking to. Hell, I didn’t even know for sure who she was. No, it was going limp again, but still drippy. Tell her I’ll teach her how to say it in ‘murican, she needs to learn the fucking language anyways if she’s gonna insist on living here.”
“Okay bro, my lunch is getting cold. Right hand fast, left hand slow.” He rattles off a few words towards the senora and splits. She turns and looks at me expectantly, silver teeth gleaming. I was really hoping Johnny hadn’t told her I’d pay her for a blowjob.
It’s fucking hard to teach somebody a phrase when neither one speaks the other’s native tongue. I ended up pretending to be her, leaning in the bathroom and hollering the magic phrase in English. She finally got it and we repeated it a dozen times to get the words in the right order and the pronunciation correct.
Today I was sitting in the lunchroom waiting for my lunch to warm up when the squat little senora walked in and went to the bathroom door and hollered her inquiry – in fucking spanish. I just shook my head thinking about the time I wasted and right about then, she done me right and hollered it out in heavily accented English: “Hallo hallo, ees any mans sheeting een der?”
Johnny just shook his head and said “Fucking Kenny Lane…..” and went back to reading his reloading manual.