For the hillbilly outlaw Tom Brackett – from his favorite Jarhead, Whitney.
Tom’s daughter Whitney shot me an email telling me that her dad was having some severe health issues and that he loved my blog and would I mind mentioning him by name because it would bring a much needed smile to his face?
She said he likes raunchy jokes, hates Obama and Hillary and the VA pisses him off. He sounds like my kinda guy.
Yeah, I can do that.
Today is Tom’s Day. I’m keeping him in mind with every post I do today. We’ll start it with a few jokes.
Oh, and Tom? You’re a lucky man to have a daughter that cares enough about you that she’d write a complete stranger with a special request not knowing if her email would even be answered, much less her request granted. Good on you.
Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, “That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Kathy?”
Kathy takes a sniff and replies, “That is nice. What’s it called?”
“Viens a moi,” replies Nancy.
“Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?”
At this stage the store clerk offers some help. “Viens a moi, ladies, means ‘come to me’ in French.”
Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, “That doesn’t smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?”
“I’ve got some good news and some bad news” the doctor says.
“What’s the bad news?” asks the patient.
“The bad news is that unfortunately you’ve only got 3 months to live”.
The patient is taken aback, “What’s the good news then, Doctor?”
The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk, “You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?”
The patient nods his head.
The doctor replies, “I’m fucking her.”
Al Sharpton was in Sears. He was there to protest the fact that most of the washing machines were white.
So the clerk called the store manager, who asked, “What’s the problem here, Reverend?”
Al pointed at the machines and loudly bemoaned the fact that most of them were white.
The manager replied, “Well, Reverend, it’s true that most of the washing machines are white, but if you’ll open the lids, you’ll see that all the agitators are black.”