Decisions, decisions…..

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34 Responses to Decisions, decisions…..

  1. pdwalker says:

    I know where I’d make the most money…

  2. doc says:

    take the money and lie. What’s the problem?

  3. Crotalus says:

    Three years every day, and you have your million, and then some. Keep going, and who knows how much money you’ll end up with.

  4. Mike_C says:

    Waaal, lessee here. One million is 10,000 hundreds. So you gotta masturbate 10k times to get up (so to speak) to a million. Ignoring leap years, and assuming once per day, 10000/365=27.39 years. Twice daily would cut breakeven to under 14 years, and so on. So you gotta have a life expectancy (“functional” life expectancy at that) of at least 14 years to pick option #2 and not lose money. This is where life is unfair: the older you get, the fewer days remaining you have, yet the number of times per day also decreases.

    ‘Course, the optimal choice also depends on whether it’s taxable. What does a bolus of $1M do to your tax bracket? Plus what counts as a “bout” of masturbation? Geez, I am clearly overthinking this in a most unseemly manner.

    • Wirecutter says:

      You’ve got way too much time on your hands. You should beat off more.

    • By my calculations, if you’re willing to take yourself in hand 3 times a day, that’s 21 times a week.

      (1 mill / 100) = 10,000

      10,000 / 21 = 476.1905

      So: 476.1905 weeks worth of onanism …

      476.1905 / 52.14286 (the no. of weeks in a year) = 9.13242 (years)

      So 3 times a day for 9 years and 48 days … with one wank left over the next morning.

      If you’re up for that, the second option would pay off in the long run …

  5. crazyeighter says:

    Gimme that million; I’ve got this.

  6. Ed357 says:

    With $1 million……

    Do you really think you’ll every have to masturbate….


  7. Eric says:

    Option 2. I’m 39, and I would make 800-1,200 dollars a day

  8. CC says:

    “Assuming once a day…”
    Big assumption around here, I’m thinkin’…

  9. arc says:

    1M isn’t much. I’ll take 100/day. On post, I could knock out seven a day over seas.

  10. Exile1981 says:

    Take the million wirecutter unless you plan to live more than 27more yearsor masterbate more than once a day the cash lump sum is a better deal.

  11. Okie says:

    If this offer were made available to me at around age fifteen….
    I could have knocked out a million in a couple of weeks and be well on my way to two in under a year….

  12. fappy! luis says:

    Hell, either way I’d be rich, but i’ll take the 100 a fap, things will even out in the hand.

  13. ignore amos says:

    Age 15, B. But at 60+, A with or without the money. (come on prostate, just one more time)

  14. Trib says:

    Does the wife jerking me off count against the mill. if it does then I’ll take the mill and blowjobs.

  15. Jimmy Torpedo says:

    If they offered me that at 14 I would be richer than Bill Gates. Since I met my wife, my real wife, I think I would have only made a thousand bucks or so. Doesn’t matter, she is worth many millions, although, not in a actual tradable currency kind of way. My ex- wife is actually worth millions and I left her for a gal who never had hot water until she met me. Gosh, I love my gal!!
    Now I’m just gushing about how great my second wife is,….
    Latinas- cook, maid, porn star all in one.

  16. ZombieDawg says:

    You lot worry me…
    Take the million.
    You’d get 10% if invested so another $100k/year.
    That pays for a very decent female (or whatever your fancy) “relief” method so you’d never have to choke the chook again.

  17. Granny says:

    90% of you are lying your asses off. Well, you can dream anyway.

  18. J-Dog says:

    “90% of you are lying your asses off.”

    In an internet comment section? What are the chances?

  19. Billy boy says:

    Already tried it Iā€™m broke

  20. Eric says:

    Not at all. I’m Mr. I have too much free time.

  21. idaho bob says:

    Especially at my age, I’ll take the million!


  22. wholy1 says:

    At 70+, seems like $1M cash-in-hand is far better than dick-in-hand. With that amt of cash, a trip to Thailand would be a great way to “check out” by way of a massive coronary during an “amyl popper-accelerated ‘critical mass-moment’ while in the saddle of some young cute thing.

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