Yeah, that’ll work

In San Francisco, where no automobile parked on the street is immune from glass-smashing thieves, some people have taken to posting signs on car windows announcing that there are no valuables inside.
The hope, of course, is that a thief will read the notice and decide: “Huh. No valuables in this one. I guess I’ll break into some other car.”


When I was in the army me or my girlfriend would rent a car and drive up to Amsterdam to party and score some hash. We learned our lesson the first time – take everything out of your car, leave your glove box open, and leave your doors unlocked otherwise the dope fiends would break out your windows. Those motherfuckers would steal anything that they could grab quick – leave your Zippo lighter in there and it was gone, leave your spare tire and tire tools in there, they were gone. It’s the only city I’ve ever stayed in where you stored your spare tire in your hotel room.

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13 Responses to Yeah, that’ll work

  1. California Southpaw says:

    Back in the 80’s my Dutch friend and his dad went to visit his grandfather in Holland. One night walking through Amsterdam to see the girls in the windows, two other guys started talking and following them. Grand Dad who spoke Dutch, said to his son and grandson (my buddy) in broken English “They plan to rob us, put wallets in front pockets and go straight home”.

  2. EDC says:

    I guess that sanctuary city / welcome homeless train of thought isn’t working out too well. Only the brain dead liberals of San Fran Shithole would think it would work. I haven’t been to that dump since ’98. Heading for Puerto Vallarta in Feb. so I’m stuck there for a night.

  3. I once caught a druggie picking my pocket in Amsterdam, on the cobbles just outside the Other Place (which I believe is closed now.) A black fella. Filthy as fuck, a fucking stranger to a bar of soap. When I grabbed him he actually had the nerve to threaten me, & said his pals were going to come along and give me a beating. That gave me the right hump, let me tell you. That a piece of garbage like this would have the nerve to threaten me. I dropped him to the cobbles and whacked his napper off the steel railings beside the canal, kicked him over the street a bit, then stamped on his balls with the heel of my cowboy boots. It was like dropping a boulder on two eggs. I was on the hurry-up in case he did have a gang of pals coming up behind me, but when I turned around to check the scene out, there was no one rushing over to get more of the same, believe you me.

    Memories from the drinking years … Amsterdam nights …

  4. moi says:

    Been doing that for 20+ years at trail heads here in Oregon, when I go hiking etc. Number of years ago several cars in a lot in the mountains where I had parked were broken into, mine was untouched. So maybe it works or maybe they lost nerve before they got to mine.

  5. El Jefe says:

    It would be a shame if someone soldered a straight edge razor blade to the crossbar of a mousetrap and stuck it under the seat. Just sayin’

  6. Rob says:

    The best solution I’ve heard was a herpetologist of my acquaintance who left his rattlesnakes in the car. Loose.

  7. Leonard Jones says:

    Wirecutter, you may be laboring under a fale asumpression. What makes you think
    that these criminal vermin can even read?

  8. bogsidebunny says:

    1970’s & 80’s NYC: “No Radio in Car” signs were all the craze.

  9. truthzzzz says:

    Great diversity choices San fraan and Amsterdam. Addicted dope fiends are wonderful neighbors. Just like Muslims.

  10. Doonhamer says:

    Never been to Glasgow, have you. Not all of it. Just certain wee areas.
    You would come back to your car and find it sitting on bricks with wheels and the battery gone. Then on the second night, engine, transmission, seats and trim would de-materialise.

    • William Antrim says:

      Fella parked his van on the Falls Road in Belfast and told two nearby lads “Right, my dog’s in the van, and if ya touch the van he’ll rip your feckin heads off.”
      “Hey mister,” one lad replied, “can yer dog put out fires?”

  11. Sanders says:

    I’m only surprised it isn’t Albuquerque.

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