Now I feel bad, Mike

Because I finished work on that log not one hour before I got your letter today telling me how much you enjoyed reading about my trials and tribulations with it.
Yessir, it is done. Last week I snaked a couple rounds out of the gully where they had rolled, then horsed that one big chunk with the branch spur around so I could cut that spur off which made it a little easier to cut 8 inches off the round so it would fit in the splitter.
Today, with blood in my eye, I hauled the splitter down there to finish it up. That log fucks with me every time I drive past it and I was getting tired of its attitude. I was going to own that bitch today, bro. It was going down.
I put the splitter right next to the log and strained that big round over to it, flipped it on end and worked it onto the floor plate and hit the ram. Only problem was, that round was bulged in the middle just enough to where the ram couldn’t get a good bite. Hell, as it was it was only gonna hit 4 inches out of thirty.
I finally got it started and the ram couldn’t get far enough in to split it cleanly. It would crack it about 8 inches in and that was it because that shit was so knotted and the grain was so twisted. I ended up rotating that fucker all the way around before it started coming apart. Lather rinse repeat.
After I got the big one done, the others went pretty smooth. But check it out: those damned things were big enough that I got an entire truckload out of 3 rounds. You can see how twisted that shit is in the second picture.

Here’s what it looked like the day it came down. The county was nice enough to push the trunk over onto my property, unfortunately they just shoved it in with of the rest of the tree. It was a jumbled up mess.

Here’s what it looks like now:

You can see the stump of it across the road in the upper right corner.
But yeah, it’s done – and in only nine months! Woo-hoo!

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18 Responses to Now I feel bad, Mike

  1. Steve in ky says:

    You kicked a trees ass.

  2. rightwingterrorist says:


  3. Chris Ward says:

    Time for a pig picking! That looks like some beautiful hickory wood that would cook a delicious pig!

  4. Stevie says:

    Nine months….coincidence?

    • Wirecutter says:

      It was a rough pregnancy.
      Seriously, once it got hot I quit working on it until the temps dropped again. The work was hard enough that I was in a T-shirt when it was 40 degrees out – it’s true, firewood does warm you many times over.

  5. Crotalus says:

    Wow! You did indeed kick some tree ass! Now, get a smoker, and use some for meats. Yum!

  6. Klaus says:

    Nicely done Sir. Speaking from experience I know how good that feels. Now you need to start up on next years supply or the year after that. It’s good to be way ahead especially if its a true fuel source. Nice saw too.

    • Wirecutter says:

      Thank you.
      That’s an Echo saw with a 20″ bar and I’m perfectly happy with it. I was wishing I had a Stihl but with what little cutting I do it was hard to justify spending the money on one.

  7. Cav says:

    Good job my friend.Just wrestled a 30”ash tree someone left laying in a patch of woods this morning.I enjoy the tales you tell about your time in the green machine having served in Eusareur about the same time.My time spent was divided between Graf,Bamberg kaserne and RDF,serving with Brits,Germans and others.Most interesting and fun times,especially the time I went AWOL to Italy.When I returned we had a new BC,the old one having been arrested during my “vacation”.Ah,good times.Loved the black hash from Amsterdam….best ever.

  8. Skip says:

    Ya done good, Kenny.

  9. David says:

    A great ending to your best story so far!

  10. Gleason Long says:

    Pictures like these and many others depicting the pioneer spirit, living conditions, and work ethics should hang in the halls of every Govt. funded building, school, college and university. Congrats on whipping that tree’s Ash!

  11. OyeVe! luis says:

    Good work, now where are titties?

  12. AnonForOpsec says:

    I don’t know why but twisted wood like that tends to burn quicker. at least that’s what I’ve experienced. Perhaps the twisted striations channel air around the embers as they burn. Also, that wood will probably make the best cooking coals you’ve ever had!

  13. DeNihilist says:

    Congrats Cutter!

    Just picked up about 2 cords of Douglas Fir in rounds and big splits. Raining like a banshee here, so they are waiting patiently under a tarp for the sweet bite of my splitter. Best softwood to burn imo.

    The tree company kept the last 10 feet of those three big-butted behemoths to saw into table tops.

    Cut down in a house dense neighbourhood. Love watching those guys scale, trim and drop the sections into someones yard, and not hit the house or the neighbours’. A real fucking skill!

  14. Djamer says:

    Now it’s finally fire logs! Congrats on only spending almost 1000 bucks for that wood, but you will use that splitter many more times, right? Like I said when you bought it, maybe you can rent it out to other poor souls in having the same situation, or such. Here is to a new year with NO winds storms!

    • Wirecutter says:

      I figure about 1500 bucks so far with the splitter and the chainsaw I had to replace and all the other tools and expenses – Maul, wedges, extra chains, gas, bar oil, and who knows what else.

  15. Steve says:

    Are you going to have a chapter in your book about this tree?
    Can we pre-order your book?


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