Chemical warfare

Back when I was loading trucks I used to look for this shit in pallets.
I’d snatch a can out and wait until lunch, then I’d go back to the dock about halfway through my break. I’d grab that can and find a trailer that one of my buddies (usually Greg The Whiny Li’l Bitch) was loading, then I’d depress the stem and tape it down before tossing it into the trailer and shutting the trailer door.
All the loaders would come back from lunch and the victim would pop his trailer door and stagger backwards with his eyes watering and screaming “LANE, YOU SORRY MOTHERFUCKER!!!” before shutting the door and stalking off to the shipping office.
Next thing you know, the hostler would pull the trailer away from the dock door about 3 feet, fire up the reefer and open the trailer door to blow that shit out.
The bosses made me quit doing it – not because I was wasting product but because the stench would spread over 150 yards of loading dock, gagging the entire workforce.
The only loader that didn’t mind it was Brotherman Jerome who went to an all black high school in Stockton – said that it reminded him of his first high school dance.

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10 Responses to Chemical warfare

  1. Uchuck the Tuchuck says:

    Remember kids, it’s called “cologne,” not “marinade.” I used to teach at Texas A&M International in Laredo. The body scents used by the male and female students often acted as a binary chemical weapon: obnoxious by themselves, freakin’ lethal when combined in high doses.

    • Wirecutter says:

      I don’t wear cologne or aftershave and I can’t stand to be around anybody that doses themselves with it. Perfume is a little more tolerable, but not much.

      • Lucan says:

        I’m with you on that. And throw in scented candles too. I can’t stand those stinky smells. Shit gives me a headache.

  2. Jess says:

    That reminds me of a road project I worked on years ago.

    One of the equipment operators had to use the port-a-can, so he went in, forgot to lock the door, and was rewarded with a lit string of firecrackers after he’d sat and started. He made it out – pants around his ankles – right after the first few went off.

    Later in the job, I had to use the same port-a-can, but I was smarter, and locked the door. What I hadn’t thought of was how the port-a-can was at the far end of the pavement.

    I had just started to sit, when one of the bosses placed his front bumper against the door, and pushed me in the port-a-can for about 500 feet down the road. After it stopped, and I could open the door, I decided to go to the adjacent wooded area to finish.

    • rick says:

      No one except the new guy would use the port-a-potta at a job site where framers or roofers are working. Guy would go in and become a target for nail guns spitting 16d nails. You might think a lot would bounce off. But even at a distance, a lot would penetrate through thick polypropylene.

      Of course, some framers would up their game to nail a four square of 2x4s around the potty to keep door shut.

  3. TEXASLEGAL says:

    Check out this “axedent” this was this morning just south of me. You can see the individual cans exploding out of the truck.. Lots of teen age boys upset today…
    http://www.kxxv.com/story/39000761/parts-of-i-35-shut-down-in-belton

  4. ChuckN says:

    I once zip tied the trigger to a Febreeze can downdown, tossed it in the teacher’s room and ran like hell. I became the coolest substitute ever that day.

  5. warhorse says:

    I wonder if there is a way to rig these as impact- or timer-fused? might work on the local antifa gathering, and no one could say you were trying to hurt them.

  6. Westcoastdeplorable says:

    That Axe shit is lethal.

Play nice.