Oughta work

Faculty members at Oakland University in suburban Detroit have received hockey pucks and are being trained to use them to potentially thwart active shooters.

The American Association of University Professors distributed pucks to its 800 members this week, according to Fox 2.

University Police Chief Mark Gordon said to fight effectively, faculty and students need to be prepared to throw heavy objects that will cause a distraction.

Gordon said pucks fit the bill and can conveniently be carried in brief cases or backpacks.

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14 Responses to Oughta work

  1. FormerFlyer says:

    Or you could just give them all a sack of freaking ROCKS. Just as useless.

    Wow. Just, wow.


  2. Bill Slim says:

    Dat’s pucked up, man…

  3. In Detroit? Do blacks play hockey? They will probably snort coke off them.

  4. Valkin.a says:

    Shoulda given ’em concrete blocks instead

  5. Towser says:

    Tactical flashlights might be a better defensive tool. Not quite as effective as return fire but I’d think better than a hockey puck. Or maybe they could save up pencil shavings to throw at the bad guys. Anyone remember pencils?

  6. Er says:

    Hoping for canadian shooters?

  7. Frank says:

    Sounds like a Don Rickles’ zinger is needed here.

  8. Rob says:

    Bring a hockey puck to a gunfight?

  9. wes says:

    Let’s see, a standard hockey puck weighs about the same as a baseball (puck 5.5~6 oz, baseball 5~5 1/4 oz). Assuming a rock star baseball pitcher performance they’re going to throw that thing at around 150 fps. In reality they will not get any where near that speed, not to mention accuracy.

    How about they teach them how to throw a hunk of lead weighing a quarter to half an oz at 900 to 1600 fps out of a device that lets them hit a two inch circle, repeatedly, at distance, and will penetrate barriers the puck will just bounce off.

    The stupid is strong in some folks.


    • Wirecutter says:

      It’s almost like trying to use a 9/16″ wrench on a 5/8″ bolt head. It just ain’t gonna get the job done, so why not go to the proper tool to begin with?

      • Al_in_Ottawa says:

        Al MacInnis had the fastest slapshot in the NHL at 105mph. In his career he broke the bones (mostly in the feet but one unlucky guy had his jaw broken) of 5 defending players who got between him and the net. Of course it helps that he was 6’3″ and a professional athlete.

        During the ’70s in Belfast, if IRA members were being chased by British soldiers they would duck into the nearest pub. If the soldiers entered all the patrons would pelt them with the very thick beer mugs which would injure them while the fugitives ran out the back door. Of course it helped that the British weren’t allowed to fire their FALs unless fired upon.

        Why not tasers? Or is that too much for the gun fearing wussies?

  10. Dan says:

    The “education” the students receive there is just as good as this “self defense plan”

  11. Sanders says:

    What the puck???

  12. Mike_C says:

    I think I’m going to put a hockey puck in my carry-aboard next time I fly and see if TSA takes it away. Maybe a hockey puck AND a baseball.

    Things to do while going through airport security:

    a) when a TSA person shouts at you to take your belt off and put it through the x-ray, say brightly “Wow, this is just like being on suicide watch!” TSA guy says “What?” (Insert Waynes’ World/Mike Myers joke here.) And you say “On suicide watch they take away your belt and shoelaces too!”

    b) If a fellow passenger behind you looks disgruntled, turn to them and say, “What do you expect for a mere eight billion dollars?” Last flight a Spanish woman (Euro) looked seriously pissed off. I said that to her. She replied, “Is the eight million the annual budget for Boston airport?” “No,” says I, “It’s billion with a B, and that’s for the entire US.” Spanish woman froze with one boot still on and one in her hand, looked around her 360 degrees then back at me. “For THIS? You’re serious?” “Dead serious.” “Wow. Now I’m really angry.”

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