My legs have not seen the sun since 1969 and I’m not fucking kidding.
My uncle Ed had taken me and my other uncle to the lake where he promptly got fucked up and passed out under a tree, so me and my Uncle Gary (4 years older than I was) found a log and spent our day paddling along behind it pushing it from one side of the lake to the other. I got a sunburn so bad that I was out of school for 2 weeks, had to sleep sitting up with my butt barely on the edge of the bed, and couldn’t keep food down for 4-5 days. When they took me to the doctor, he pumped me full of fluids and called me a dumbass. My Uncle Gary didn’t fare so well, they hospitalized his ass.
I thought my mom and grandmother were going to kill Ed.