If I was wearing short britches…

My legs have not seen the sun since 1969 and I’m not fucking kidding.
My uncle Ed had taken me and my other uncle to the lake where he promptly got fucked up and passed out under a tree, so me and my Uncle Gary (4 years older than I was) found a log and spent our day paddling along behind it pushing it from one side of the lake to the other. I got a sunburn so bad that I was out of school for 2 weeks, had to sleep sitting up with my butt barely on the edge of the bed, and couldn’t keep food down for 4-5 days. When they took me to the doctor, he pumped me full of fluids and called me a dumbass. My Uncle Gary didn’t fare so well, they hospitalized his ass.
I thought my mom and grandmother were going to kill Ed.

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12 Responses to If I was wearing short britches…

  1. MadMarlin says:

    Is this what they mean by white privilege? You gave the privilege to either wear pants or shorts.

  2. dilligaf says:

    My worst was on a lake as well. An entire day spent out on a boat water skiing. By the time I got home my legs were sagging with water blisters. I was puking sick and thought I was goin to die. I had told an old neighbor that I would help him buck hay that night. My dad had zero sympathy and made me go buck that hay. I will never forget looking down and seeing the pungi stakes of cut alfalfa pushing up under the skin of my shins. While the blisters drained down into my shoes and stuck to the blisters on my feet and ripped them open as well. Learned the lesson that if you say you are going to do something, you do it.

  3. arc says:

    Reminds me of a pool function I went to in DEP. Hadn’t worn shorts in a very long time barring some exceptions (pools). I sat out in the fucking sun hour after hour and my legs were in pain for at least two weeks.

    I should have taken it as a sign of how poor my treatment was going to be and exit the DEP but I didn’t. Win stupid prizes they say…

  4. dilligaf says:

    Oh ya, I also learned that even if you have 3rd degree burns on your legs, you do not wear shorts to buck hay. That hay ripped every blister wide open. I had strips of skin missing from knee to ankle.

  5. Craig says:

    I went to a friend’s kids graduation BBQ at the beach, cold windy sunny, got cooked, missed a week of work. I’m a dumbass happened 2 years ago. I’m 53. Lol hahahaha

  6. FrankP says:

    Spent a weekend at the beach long ago wearing cutoff shorts. They were the shortest ones I had and for two weeks they were the only pants I could wear that weren’t painful. Even so, I still had to go to my job at the local foundry. Think major sunburn and being around molten metal.

    To this day there are some white lines on my legs where veins literally dried up.

    Yeah, I remember this well. Doesn’t help that I’m heavily Irish. Brown hair, but redhead skin that burns easily.

  7. Sanders says:

    Worst I ever had was at Newport Beach – overcast/foggy day. Rented a boogie board and was playing pretty much all day. Sheets were like sandpaper to my skin.

    Didn’t miss any work, but I dang sure was suffering, blisters popping and soaking through my shirt and pants. Sweat making them sting on top of that.

  8. brighteyes says:

    I retired and gave away all my stupid office clothes. Threw them in a dumpster for the needy. I own one pair of pants and about six pairs a shorts only because 3 pair are coming apart and my wife made me buy three more the other day. Three pairs a socks and about six tank top T shirts. Pair a sneakers and a pair a flip flops. That’s my wardrobe. The less I have on the happier I am. Oh, got one pair a shitters but never use em. Don’t know why I kept a pair.

  9. anonymous says:

    My things are similar, but my calves and feet are darker because of a blood flow condition I have, appearing as if I waded in something dark and nasty. I’ve got a streak of stubborn in me and don’t give a shit, wearing shorts often when I’m not at work. If that weren’t bad enought, I often wear Teva sandals too. Really pisses off the wife.

  10. Johno says:

    Over 50 y.o. and white? Then your ‘privilege’ is skin cancer, from all that sunburn you got as a kid.

  11. CC says:

    Mine go from about that pasty white (Except for the scars) in spring to toasty tan by summer, every single year..
    Kinda disproves evolution, dunnit?

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