For those of you who aren’t from around these parts, or who didn’t receive the instruction book when you were born, there is a right way and a wrong way to eat watermelon.
It didn’t occur to me that anyone might not know this simple fact until a few years ago when I met my husband Sweetums and learned he had not taught his two boys the proper way to eat watermelon. Well, love me tender and call me Elvis. This life lesson is on the list right after wearing clean underwear in case you’re in a wreck.
That morning, we’d stopped at a produce stand to get a watermelon that wasn’t “fake news,” by which I mean you didn’t cut it open only to find out someone had stolen all the seeds. (Real watermelons have seeds, y’all, because God wanted us to have something fairly harmless to spit on our siblings.)
Shit, I bet I was 10 years old before I got brave enough to eat a watermelon without salt. Even when I was a little kid we’d take a salt shaker with us when me and my uncle raided the watermelon field across the road.