There’s a right way and a wrong way to eat watermelon

For those of you who aren’t from around these parts, or who didn’t receive the instruction book when you were born, there is a right way and a wrong way to eat watermelon.

It didn’t occur to me that anyone might not know this simple fact until a few years ago when I met my husband Sweetums and learned he had not taught his two boys the proper way to eat watermelon. Well, love me tender and call me Elvis. This life lesson is on the list right after wearing clean underwear in case you’re in a wreck.

That morning, we’d stopped at a produce stand to get a watermelon that wasn’t “fake news,” by which I mean you didn’t cut it open only to find out someone had stolen all the seeds. (Real watermelons have seeds, y’all, because God wanted us to have something fairly harmless to spit on our siblings.)
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Shit, I bet I was 10 years old before I got brave enough to eat a watermelon without salt. Even when I was a little kid we’d take a salt shaker with us when me and my uncle raided the watermelon field across the road.

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13 Responses to There’s a right way and a wrong way to eat watermelon

  1. Angel says:

    I eat mine blended with the juice of one lime, 4 ounces of tequila, 1 ounce of triple sec served in a salt rimmed glass over watermelon ice cubes.

  2. Jeremy says:

    Never cared for water lemons. The only reason I’d buy one is to shoot the thing.

  3. WestcoastDeplorable says:

    Gotta eat W-melon with salt, else the Earth will stop spinning!

  4. Daryl says:

    Garden was out by the barn. Always kept salt there for melons, watermelons, maters and green onions. We didn’t ever head in for a quick snack when working, just went to the garden and got something.

  5. pigpen51 says:

    I love watermelon with salt, my wife never heard of it. Damn city people.

  6. Bob says:

    Kenny, why would you salt a watermelon? I’ve never heard of folks eating it that way.

  7. brighteyes says:

    I’m with this gal 100%. Hell, I put salt on oranges too. Gimme a lil ol mortons salt shaker, a pocket knife and a apple tree ta climb with tree fort and green apples and I’m in heaven. Course ya only eat one or two of those green apples er yer gonna shit afore ya get ta the outhouse.

  8. Johno says:

    If your winter season pineapples have just to much tang or bite from the higher acid content, then a little salt will cure that. It does not make it sweeter, just fools your taste buds.
    The miracle fruit (no joke) makes all tarty tasting fruits into beautifully sweet-tasting delights (even limes or lemons) if you suck some of the juice from the flesh beforehand, but by itself is rather bland.

  9. STW says:

    We also salted apples.
    I noticed that when the bred the seeds out of watermelon they also bred out much of the flavor. Idiots!

  10. JayNola says:

    Ol Mexican buddy of mine turned me on to watermelon and hot sauce, Cholula is a particular favorite.

    • Butch says:

      My Mexican step kids put that red spice blend on their watermelon, popcorn, roasted corn,
      and most other snack type foods or just sprinkle some on the top of their thumb and lick it off.

  11. Jeffery in Alabama says:

    In my early teenage year until I graduated high school we grew watermelons (and sweet potatoes) as part of our living. We usually had around 90 acres worth. It was hard work. We did not own a planter plate for watermelon seeds. We used a six foot stick. We’d walk the rows marking six feet, scratch and drop 2-3 seeds. When they sprouted out of the ground they looked as if they had been planted by robots. Watermelons can be plowed until the vines become to long. This was in the early eighties (pre-Mexican invasion/cheap labor). We actually had white people that worked hoeing the plants and eventually harvesting them. As hot as it was and as many as I pulled and stacked, I never got tired of eating them. I still like salt on mine to this day. LOL

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