Man, where did the time go?

My birthday is coming up Sunday. My 60th… Holy shit.

I’ve got mixed feelings about it.
While I’m glad I made it 60 which is about twice what I figured I’d live given my lifestyle when I was younger, I’m little dismayed that I’m going to be 60. That’s fucking old, bro – real old.
Let me tell you how old 60 is. You know how when you filling shit out on the internet and it asks for your age, you’ve got to type in mm/dd and then there’s a scale for the year? I gotta scroll waaay down to get to 1959.
I was standing in line at the store a couple weeks ago and I felt a tug on my shirt tail. When I turned and looked, there was a little girl, cute little kid, and she announced to me that it was her birthday. Mama was trying to shush her but I just smiled and asked how old was she on her special day? She gave me a smile back and said “I’m four” then she held up four fingers. Then she asked how old I was and Mama was really trying to get her to shut up at the point. “I’m almost 60” and I flashed her my 10 fingers 6 times, and I swear you could see the wheels in her little head turning with “Holy shit, do trees live that fucking long?”
I’m so damned old I can ask for a Senior Citizen’s discount and get it, no questions asked – or so Lisa says. I refuse to do it.
I’m so damned old that when I get pulled over, the cops don’t even ask if I have any drugs in the truck.
I’m so damned old 40 year old men hold the door open for me and call me sir. Shit, I’ve had hottie women hold the door for me while calling me sir, dashing any momentary fantasies I might have against the rocks.

I am thankful for the fact that I’m reasonably healthy for my age. I haven’t been to a doctor in over 3 years and I’ll be perfectly happy if I can go another 3 years without seeing one. I mean, I’m healthy and strong enough that I went out and cleared, cut up and stacked that pecan tree that got split in that storm a couple weeks ago and I did that in the heat of the day. 90 degrees, bro. Fuck that tree.
Oh sure, I’ve got more aches and pains than I used to. I creak and groan when I get up out of my chair to go do something, to the point that now I wait until I’ve got several things to do before getting up. I tend to lay in bed for a few minutes first thing in the morning instead of hitting the floor as soon as my eyes open.
I have noticed that my eyes are getting worse to the point that if I have to read fine print, I don’t even try to read it before hauling out my bifocals.
Oh well. If these few things are all that I have to bitch about, I’m a lucky man.

Getting older does have its good points, I suppose.
I’m on my last dog. I’ll never have to raise another pup.
I can get the aforementioned Senior Citizen’s discount if I could bring myself to ask for it.
If I could afford to buy a new truck tomorrow, it would last me the rest of my life.
If I murder somebody tomorrow and get sentenced to life, the most I’ll have to do is 15-20 years before I die. Watch out, motherfuckers – prison is no longer a deterrent.

One thing that I’ve noticed though – my attitude hasn’t gotten any mellower since I’ve aged. I still won’t take being abused or fucked with, and I’ve gotten less tolerant of assholes in general.

What really puzzles me though, is why did God let me live so long when better people than me have died much younger? I mean, I’ve done some seriously rotten shit in my life and it’s not like I went out of my way to take care of myself with all the drugs, drinking, fighting and other off the wall shit that I’ve done. Yet I’m still standing when people that led clean and moral lives are cold in their graves. Maybe it’s true, only the Good die young.
I used to think that maybe God spared me because He had something special in store for me, that He was going to use me to make a difference in somebody’s life. Maybe that’s still in the cards but all I have to say is God might want to get a move on because statistically speaking, I’m going to be a goner in just a few years.

I used to say that I had no regrets with the life that I lived, but I’ve found as I’ve gotten older that’s no longer true. I’ve got more than a few but I’ve learned that you can regret all you want but it’s not going to change shit. What’s done is done and it’s best just to learn from it, deal with it, and move the fuck on.

My death – when I was a youngster I used to wonder how I was going to die – was it going to be a gunfight, a car accident, an overdose, or what? Now what I wonder about is if the coroner’s going to find my body in the back yard before that asshole dog Jack eats my face off.

Is there anything that I would do different if I could go back and do it again?
Man, that’s a tough one. The easy answers would be I wouldn’t have ever gotten into drugs, I’d have gone to college, I’d have made the army a career, I’d have never gone back to California, I’d have worked with my mind instead of my back….. I could go on and on but the simple fact is, everything that I did in my life shaped me and made me what I am today and I’m pretty happy with me and my life right now.

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60 Responses to Man, where did the time go?

  1. Alemaster says:

    Happy Birthday Young Fellow. Since first finding your site I figured that your earlier “indiscretions” matured you to become the person that Ms Lisa and dogs love, and are kind and respectful to others. Better for the back end of the cycle than for the front. It may be late but I’ll figure out a way to get you a bottle of Basil Hayden for your birthday. Have a Happy One, Alemaster

  2. Ken M says:

    Happy Birthday! 60 was pretty easy for me, as anything over 55 I consider gravy

  3. Roy says:

    Happy Birthday Kenny! I am 71 (USAF MSgt, Ret) and some days feel like you but mostly I don’t give a shit about the past. I live on 30 wooded acres at the edge of Appalachia and cut, split and stack fire wood nearly every day. I just love doing it and don’t plan to ever stop. Riding the couch is a ticket to death. Keep up the good work, your writings make my day! Good Speed.

  4. Jrod says:

    Happy Birthday

    ” I’m on my last dog. I’ll never have to raise another pup.” Wait and see, but I wouldn’t bet on that if I were you.

  5. RHT447 says:

    “I used to think that maybe God spared me because He had something special in store for me, that He was going to use me to make a difference in somebody’s life.”

    He did, and you have. Just ask Lisa.

  6. MadMarlin says:

    Happy Birthday Ken! I don’t expect to know what God has in store for you, but I am positive you and bring so much to the world. Laughter, current events, links to great ammo and gun deals, wisdom of experience, and educational postings such as camel toe, cuckolding, gun cleaning, and many other topics where I can’t wait for Luis to comment. Here’s to 40 more!

  7. Goose says:

    Happy Birthday, but does it make a difference if you can basically do what you want. At 74 I hate idiots and assholes more than ever and go to the range weekly now just for fun. Yeah I need cheaters to see anything up close but you will find that at 200 meters a bowling pin is an easy shot. So keep on treking and trucking up to the end. The other good thing is that there is nothing to fear even fear itself be a curmudgeon. The only thing I hope does not happen is an old age prison wearing diapers again; rather deliver myself to the long sleep if I can figure out when it is time.

  8. Greg says:

    Tip o’ the wine glass to you…I’m 58 and was offered a job overseas today performing night vision maintenance. I turned it down. Time to slip into the back and watch the show. You take care of yourself grandpa :)

  9. Paul B says:

    Well somewhat older and I am sure if I was half the story teller you are there would be some good ones to be told. But I can’t so I don’t.

    Never thought to see 30 myself but now that I have doubled that plus I am thinking I might be around a little longer. Now if I can stay off bikes, bimbos and rag tops maybe some more to come.

    Have a happy b-day.

  10. (((Doc B)))) says:

    Happy Birthday old man.

    But seriously…..have a great day, and keep up the awesome blog. You damned near made me piss myself reading about the taco shits and the structure fire.

  11. Everett Littlefield says:

    Hi Kenny, Happy birthday young’n. You have to roll that scroll thingy all the way back to 1938 to get to me, 81 in October . Also a retired Navy ADCM (E-9)

  12. Rob says:

    Who knows, maybe your purpose is to write ‘this” blog? The one today…

  13. H says:

    Sixty. I remember being 60.


    Happy birthday, Kid Wirecutter. You’re not getting older, you’re getting less younger!

  14. Richard J. Medicus says:

    Hell, you’ve got 40 years left in ya.

  15. badbilly says:

    Well said and Happy birthday Brother.
    Just keep a breathin’.. we gots shit to do!
    I’ll have a shot o’ Bulliet Rye for ya.. Cheers!

  16. Miles Long says:

    Who says you have to know if you you made a difference? Maybe you’ll die wondering & that’s OK too.

  17. drjim says:

    Well shit, youngster, have a Happy Birthday.

    I got 8 years on ‘ya, and as the saying goes, “If I’d have known I was gonna live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself”!

    • Tree Mike says:

      Ditto, same here, exactly. I’ll drink a Modelo to ya. It’ s OK to slow down a little. That way ya don’t run into crap as hard. Don’t ask me how I know.

  18. Mike Knowles says:

    Happy Birthday! – I was born in July of 59 at the Mather AFB Hospital in Sacramento so I’m right there with you. It would take an entire other blog to tell my whole story but I’m happy where I ended up too.

  19. kimh81 says:

    finally you are catching up!!
    Happy Birthday, old Fart!

  20. Weso Phuct says:

    Im not far behind at 58. The part about 40 year olds calling you sir made me laugh, because it happens to me. Or I go the dr. and realize I was out of school already when the little nipper was born!As for senior discounts, I take them every chance I get! They even offer them without me asking. Must be my silvery locks that make look “distinguished”!

  21. Nemo says:

    I was at the VA this morning picking up some medicine. When you’re at the dispensary window picking up your order, they ask your DOB. Half a dozen or so other guys picked up their orders before me, none of whom were older than me and only one was even close. I got the distinct impression that I’m on a slippery slope and it’s all down hill. I’m on the short side of 75 for a few more years.

    Happy Birthday there young feller.

  22. JB says:

    Happy birthday, young’un. I turned 64 last week (the 24th) and between bikes, booze, broads, and bad genetics I got diabetes, arthritis in every bone it fells like, and a bum ticker but refuse to lay down and quit yet. Still workin’ my shitty job but only cause I’m married to the best woman in the world. Any down time I get I split between my old Harley and my old bass boat. My back’s garbage and walkin’s a bitch so any’a that has been cut way down, I usta love bird and mushroom huntin’ too, but now…
    I don’t ask God what he’s got planned, I just take it day by day and try my damnedest to stay on his good side, hard to do with all the idiots out there, but I gotta try, right?

  23. Weso Phuct says:

    Maybe your purpose is just to write this goofy blog and make us laugh and get pissed off.

  24. Skip says:

    Here’s to ya Kenny.

  25. john biglin says:

    Congrats on making it this far. My dad told me “if I didn’t change, I’d never see 20”, well I didn’t change and you only have 3 years on me. So i guess whether we realize it or not, we have a purpose. God Bless Kenny & Happy Birthday.

  26. Gater, OKC says:


    I’ll be 75 in August.

    I just wanted to say, youngster, that I enjoy your posts and your exploits. Keep up the good work.

    BTW Roy: I’m also a retired Air Force Master Sergeant.

  27. crazyeighter says:

    “They” say “60 is the new 40”.

    “They” lie like a rug on the floor. I got ya by six, and the last eight, after I had to quit work, have been inn-teresting to say the least.

    So enjoy it and don’t give a fuck about anything you don’t have to.

  28. Farmer Dave says:

    I turned 57 Tuesday, so I’m not too far behind you.
    Woulda, coulda, shoulda can go strait to hell. I’ve had a lotta fun.

  29. Skipperdaddy says:

    I hit 59 in May. Still busting ass and hanging tuff. Happy birthday brother.

  30. 9Booger says:

    Guess I am the young one of this blog at 49 in little over a week (feel like I am going on 89)
    Happy 60th Kenny

  31. arc says:

    Happy birthday, and yeah, time flies. Make the most of every day and always find the time to party hard.

  32. Cederq says:

    Happy barf day, kid. I will 61 this eighteenth of July. It’s funny how all of the old farts have congregated at your web site, we fell at home sitting on the old pick up tail gate BSing the day away. You have a purpose in life and I don’t think you are aware. You brought all of us together to share and laugh and cry. Be proud of that.

  33. pigpen51 says:

    I just turned 59 a week ago. And while I made a lot of decisions that changed my life, and sent me in a direction that caused me some heartache at times, they also gave me great joy as well, so I would not change a thing.
    As to having some positive effect on someone, I figure that there are so very many people who we touch in our lives, that we don’t even know, that we actually make an impression on, and it either helps them in some way, or it allows them to help another, when the time is right. So don’t sweat the meaning of life.
    The important thing in life boils down to a simple couple of things. First, how do you treat others? Can you say that if someone thinks of you, they feel good inside, or would they sort of frown, and hope that you don’t show up?
    And second, how is your character, or to put it another way, how do you act when the only one around to see you is God, and He isn’t telling if you cheat or steal?
    I figure if you are at heart, a good person, and you treat everyone with kindness, then you probably have a handle on life, and everything else will just fall into place, and it doesn’t matter if you have money or not, or a nice home or a shack. A fancy new truck or a mini van on it’s last legs. Good people tend to draw other good people, and so most likely you are married to a good person, as well, who is one who will stay with you when you mess up, and kick you if you are being stubborn, and will work together with you to become your soul mate. Because soul mates are not just found, they are made over years.

    • Wirecutter says:

      Well, I treat others as well as I can, with respect and kindness. I’ll go out of my way to help somebody in need.

      And how do I act when only God is watching? Let me put it this way: I left the store a few weeks ago and realized I didn’t pay for a bottle of aspirin that was in my cart under my bags. I went back in and paid for it.

      And I’m married to a wonderful woman. Yessir, I am.

  34. Jim in Tulsa says:

    Rolling up on 71. Don’t think for minute you haven’t made difference. You’ve made me laugh on days I really didn’t think I would.Happy birthday and God bless you.

  35. Fitty says:

    Someone had to care for the dogs and Miss Lisa. God has a plan for you just be smart enough to listen. He is kind of subtle sometimes.
    Happy Birfday

  36. Cederq says:

    Happy Barf day kid. I too will celebrate mine on the eighteenth, will be 61. You do have a purpose Kenny, you have brought all of us here to laugh and cry and share. Kinda like sitting on the tailgates jawing and telling lies… I would never had meet and talked with some of the fine folks here without you bring it together. Be proud of that!

  37. John h says:

    Happy birthday young un!! Im 64 and have had every thought uve had and a few more. I think maybe youve found God’s callin for you in ur ministry on this blog. I know youve touched my life in many ways. Some thoughtful and some irreverent but none the less, a blessing. I appreciate all youve done for me and a host of others im sure. God bless u sir, carry on!
    John h

  38. nines says:

    One of my oldest friends is turning 70 on the same day. His life has been about as badass as yours and he’s still bragging about not having to get up in the middle of the night to pee, so yer probably good for at least another twenty, and I hope as many more as you can stand.

    The scrolling down gets worse and worse and worse, I can tell you… as does the diopter power needed to figure out where you can stop!


  39. Skynet says:

    Happy Birthday!!!

  40. Bill says:

    The Back Nine of Life! I turn 58 next month and ask the same questions. Happy Birthday and many more!

  41. Gordon says:

    Happy birfday old man. I feel for ya. I turned the big 60 back in march. All I can say is De-Nile is not just a river in Egypt.

  42. James says:

    I will still call you “sir” Mr. Wirecutter.
    I am only 50 with a 10 month old kiddo who you very nicely placed in your ” good Morning” posting two weeks ago.
    I have a reason to live another 30 years.
    I also have a 20 year old dog so don’t discount having to look after Jack (ass) when he is an old deaf fart trying to shit off the porch so he doesn’t get his feet wet…

  43. Bert says:

    I was active in sports for about 35 years; at age 35 I noticed an inflection point in ability and smugly wrote it off as “that’s the age when most baseball pros crap out and quit”. At age 70 I got the inflection point message again and am still trying to come up with some kind of similar “explanation”, though it is pretty simple: the old bod is starting to show some wear and tear. I still take on some kind of large project every year, and sometimes it gets pushed aside for the next year while I get sidetracked with other things-that way I can kinda cheat: not going to check out before all the jobs get done. Moved several tons of large rocks/small boulders the last couple of summers (kind of like the ancients building the pyramids) and still have more of those bastards I am going to get before it is all over. One key: use your head more and your back less (for once in your life!!!).

    The biggie (and you have hinted at it somewhat when you mention your ex): a understanding (and therefore a truly caring) wife will do wonders when you need it the most (plus when she needs you the most). Being at war all the time with the old woman is a bad road and will wear you down faster than anything. I suspect you and Lisa have a good relationship and that is priceless.

    Not only enjoy, but savor the cards you are dealt in the coming decades.

  44. Smokin'Q says:

    Happy 60th B-Day to you Bro Kenny. I know exactly where you’re coming from man. I also was born in ’59 and will be hitting my big 6-0 in December. I enjoyed reading about your remembrances and especially got a laugh where you talked about having to scroll waaay down on the year fields on forms to finally get to your/my year of birth. It just gets farther down the list each year.

    While I don’t have all the experiences you’ve had, I do have many regrettable experiences from my pothead youth years, (of those I can remember that is,) but was afraid to get involved with harder drugs (except for a very few rare occasions – it WAS the 70’s after all) because knowing how weak I was, and that I had an addictive type personality, I knew I could easily get addicted and that it would lead me down a road to ruin in the long run. I didn’t want to go there. I wanted to be smarter than that. Beer, booze, pot, cigarettes and chasing any poontang I could get were enough vices for me. I was rebellious like all teenagers, but not to the point of no return. I’m sure my Christian conservative upbringing by pretty strict parents played a role in that.

    Nowadays I’m content to relax on my patio after a day’s work (office job) with a bourbon and water or beer or two, (or maybe more when it’s not a workday the next day) along with a good cigar while reading my favorite blog, Knuckledraggin, as well as several others which you link to on your website. I’ve been following you since I first heard of you 3 or 4 years ago..

    Seriously, I find I am far more informed, enlightened, and entertained with what I read on your blog each day than all the other websites I visit combined. I have learned a lot from following your blog, so I thank you sir, from the bottom of my heart for having the courage, tenacity and willingness to stick with this thing for so long no matter how difficult it may be at times and how much of your time it may consume, which I know must be a lot.

    You wonder out loud in your message here as to why God allowed you to live much longer than others you have known who passed at much earlier ages. Maybe part of that reason is so that you could use your talents to bring to your many followers a perfect blend of truth, information and humor that brings some sanity in the midst of an ever increasingly insane world. I almost died on several occasions when I was younger but God spared me also for some reason, so I can definitely identify with that thought. One of those occasions was when I nearly died from a previously unknown kidney infection in the hospital at around age 9 when I was taken in with a temp of 108 deg and rapidly climbing. After spending several weeks there, only the latest antibiotic which had only just been made available saved me. If it had been only a year or so earlier, I probably wouldn’t be here today as nothing else worked. I can still remember my mom telling me later while my family was visiting me one evening in the ward I was in after I began to get better that the only reason I was still alive was that God still had plans for me. I never forgot that, and she was right.

    I gave up my career 11 years ago in the optical business and now work in a ministry for the church I attend. While I still have my “wild side,” I can say that none of that will keep me out of Heaven. The only thing that will ever keep anyone out of Heaven is not believing on the Son of God Jesus who died to pay for all the sins of all the world. You don’t have to change your life. (“Repent of your sins” is a complete lie spoken by uninformed preachers who don’t have a clue what they are talking about, but are just repeating what they have been told.) You ONLY have to change what you are believing/trusting in to get you to Heaven (the true meaning of the word, “repent” is to ‘change your mind’ and nothing more.) You can never be “good enough” on your own to get to Heaven because all of us are less than perfect. Only someone who lived a perfect, sinless life and died in your place can do that for you.

    I’m not trying to “preach” to you here as I already know your “religious beliefs” from your blog, but maybe part of the reason you are still around Kenny, is so that you can hear/read this message and give it some thought. Eternity is a Helluva long time to be wrong. After following you for several years, I feel like a brother to you so I hope you will listen to what I’m telling you and really think about it. It comes from my heart because I care about you as I would a brother. Time’s growing shorter for us “59ers” by the day. We never know which one will be our last.

  45. Andy says:

    Happy Birthday Ken. Make sure you ask for the senior discount. Sometimes it pays off a little. Hell, I’m 56 and get to use it sometimes.

  46. SgtBob says:

    Happy birthday. I had number 73 back in January. Retired Army infantry platoon sergeant. Here is the key: Don’t stop moving — work outside, stretch for stuff, walk and walk.

  47. Towser says:

    Welcome to the Geezer Club! I’m a rookie inductee myself. For me, the worst is the realization that I am “that creepy old pervert” in the eyes of most of the young ladies I admire. I must say with hindsight there is quite a bit I’d do differently – especially if I knew then what I know now. Then again, with that knowledge, I’d probably be dead already.

  48. Grateful Angel says:


  49. Gryphon says:

    Sounds a lot like myself, Kenny, I made it to 60 at the end of May, and Don’t Know Why, or How. I
    Didn’t do the Drugs, but Drank a lot (in Commercial Aviation you more or less Have to) Saw a lot of Good Guys get Killed, Bad Ugly, for the slightest, tiniest Violation of the Laws of Physics, Avoided any Major Injury except for the Foot that got Smashed between Cargo-Pallets on the Deck of my L-1011/20 Freighter, and Only Regret not ‘bringing back’ some Krazy Korean Chick out of Hong Kong. (but I’d probably be Divorced and Broke now if I had)
    So I sit and Drink (a whole lot less) and toss a Carrot to My Horse now and then, but still have to Work Hard at taking care of the Stuff around Me.
    Really enjoy your Postings and your Twisted sense of Humor in it.

  50. John says:

    Happy birthday! Thanks for the blog, it’s been a hoot following your antics over the years. Alot of wisdom and honesty in this post. Have a good one!

  51. DogEars says:

    Love you and this blog. Here is to many more years.

  52. Bacon says:

    Happy fucking birthday, Old Man.

    If you ever doubt that you’ve made a difference in somebody’s life, just look at Miss Lisa.

    If you ever doubt that you’ve made a difference in thousands of lives, just go check your hit counter.

  53. Don says:

    I’m just going to copy and paste, you just wrote my life story and I’m too fucking old to try and improve it.
    Happy Birthday, your website bring me joy.

    • Skinny J says:

      Happy birthday Ken!
      This is my first time posting to your blog, or any other If I remember correctly. I’ve followed you for years and you’ve brought both smiles and tears. I turn 46 tomorrow and was feeling a little down and old. Reading all of these replies perked me up and made me realize that age is just a number, it’s what you do with it that counts. I look forward to many more years of your blog. Thank you.

Play nice.