Let me guess – you accidentally sat on it

How to prevent this shit from ‘accidentally’ happening:

1) Look before you sit.

2) Keep your clothes on when sitting on furniture.

3) Don’t blow your asshole wide open from gay sex.

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36 Responses to Let me guess – you accidentally sat on it

  1. Scott Doe says:

    Musta fell on it….yea yea that’s what happened……..

  2. Rayvet says:

    I’ll give the dude a break until proven otherwise. Maybe he was sodomized by a gay gang in NYC and he had no say in the matter. Anything else, and it’s all on him.

  3. Bill M says:

    Not just gay…

  4. J-Dog says:

    Unless I am mistaken, that’s a woman. Pelvis isn’t fused.

    • Rayvet says:

      I think see a Frank and Beans superimposed over the bottle.

    • David Font says:

      Check the shape of the pelvis opening. Guys are triangular. Females are round to pass a baby’s head/ That is a male pelvis. Fusion of the bones is an aspect of age. It is a young male.

  5. Craig says:

    Modelo?

  6. WoodBurner says:

    4) Always attach a string …..

  7. Lester Moore says:

    Looks like a Modelo Especial bottle. Negra Modelo would show up darker.

  8. Elder Nerd says:

    That’s a female pelvis :)

    • idaho says:

      its a guy….there is a distinctive male “shadow” over bottom of bottle pointed to the right(persons left)

  9. SAM says:

    You missed “again” from the end.

  10. Pointy End Out says:

    That would probably hurt if they left the cap on….

  11. Skipperdaddy says:

    Hold my beer.

  12. Daybo VonMoulie says:

    Obviously there’s nothin like a good lite beer douche

  13. Cederq says:

    In ER we use to get a butt load so to speak of these from men and women… Hey, lets see if this fits! is the nominal answer to why they would use anything to probe their rectal vault.

  14. Oldbev says:

    Sure, I contemplate doing that all the time.NOT some one must have way to much spare time . The cure would be if doctors would say : sorry we can’t help you:

  15. Mike-SMO says:

    Eh. Routine. Several radiologists have stated that the real challenge is recovering a light bulb (threaded end up) without breakage and/or general surgery.

    ‘Sides, I’d guess a ketchup bottle. [Slow morning at the cafe.] And you may have mis-read the “shadow”.

  16. ZombieDawg says:

    No, it’s a female pelvis due to the opening.
    Closure is not age related.
    In any case removal of a bottle shouldn’t be an issue. Gerbils are a bit trickier though, apparently ☺

  17. Exile1981 says:

    Friend in high school flopped on the couch and landed on her moms knitting that had slipped between the cushions. She ended up getting it removed from her right cheek at the hospital.

  18. brighteyes says:

    Drill a hole inna bottom prior to use so’s she kin suck air.

  19. guy says:

    4) Buy a bottle opener.

  20. Bacon says:

    I always look before I sit, people are slobs.
    I don’t have gay sex and I don’t do sodomy.
    I don’t have any foreign objects up my ass.

    But I’m damned if I’m gonna wear clothes. Yup, hat, holster belt, ‘n boots. ‘Murica!!!

  21. Old Gray Wolf says:

    Daughter works in an ER. Says object removal from various orifices is commonplace. Says mostly men with things up their ass. Had to send one to a more capable hospital because the damage to the tissue was extensive. Weird damn world we live in….

  22. Mike_C says:

    Here’s a case report of light-bulb-up-the-ass. I haven’t read this one, but another light-bulb-up-the-ass report said the surgeons (this would be done by general or perhaps colorectal surgeons) were able to visualize the bulb (which was “threads toward the head”), but could not get a grip on it. So they carefully cleaned the visible portion using alcohol, then attached a suction-cup toy dart (from a child’s dart gun) to the bulb and were able to pull it out using gentle traction.

    HUNTER RC Jr. Foreign body (light bulb) in the rectosigmoid colon.
    US Armed Forces Med J. 1954 Jul;5(7):1058-60. PMID: 13179360

    And this is a review article that has a long list of publications (mostly case reports) about objects-up-the-ass in the References.
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3577617/

    Quoted from the above:

    Objects encountered are most commonly household objects consisting of bottles and glasses (42.2%). Other objects include toothbrushes, deodorant bottles, food articles, knives, sports equipment, cell phones, flashlights, wooden rods, broomsticks, sex toys including dildos and vibrators, light bulbs, nails or other construction tools, Christmas
    ornaments, aerosol canisters, cocaine packets, and many more. The reasons for insertion in decreasing order of frequency are
    autoeroticism, concealment, attention-seeking behavior, “accidental,” assault, and to alleviate constipation.

    Oh, and the proper medical term for stuff-up-the-ass is “rectal foreign body” iff’n yer hankering to do a literature search on Pubmed.gov.

    • Wirecutter says:

      I have a picture in my mind of a nurse in scrubs at a toy store with a package of California Approved darts in her hand, frantically trying to get to the head of the line, hollering that it’s a medical emergency.

      • Mike_C says:

        Hahaha! I always did wonder why the OR had suction-cup darts available. So I was telling the Pretty Korean Girl about this at lunch, and she was giving me the evil eye (“that’s a pleasant topic of conversation over lunch!” [1]) when I mentioned your vision of the nurse. PKG almost spat out her pierogi, she was laughing so hard.

        [1] the stock answer to that is “welcome to the MD world”. She’s a “D” too, but her terminal degree is a PhD. Oh. About a month ago we were struggling to get this (dreadful) papasan chair she’d bought into the sedan (the wagon died, alas). After 10 minutes of flailing we found a solution. “Boy that only took two STEM masters, a pair of doctorates, and four post-doc fellowships to figure out!” said she, rolling her eyes. So true that credentialed and smart are not the same thing.

  23. warhorse says:

    meh. some good lube and a lot of warm water, and it’ll come right out.

    what? I was a bouncer at a swingers club. these things come up from time to time.

    like one time the sybian was stuck on high, and the guy wouldn’t unlock the door because he didn’t want me to see his wife naked.

    I’m yelling “unplug it from the wall!!!!!” over her screaming in joy, him yelling “the fucking thing is stuck!” and the motors for the sybian running at full steam, which sounds like a cessna trying to take off.

    good times.

  24. WDS says:

    Buttigeig 2020

  25. Sanders says:

    The very first call my daughter went on as a brand new EMT was for some old fart with an apple stuck up his ass.

Play nice.