It’s true, I’m a real catch

I got a proposal of marriage (kinda sorta) the other day.
I was in the Walmart parking lot behind a little old lady that stood about 4 feet nothing and she’s just creeping along towards her little SUV which was parked just this side of my truck. As she slowed down I gave her warning, “Right behind you, ma’am” because I didn’t want to startle the old bird. As old as she was, cardiac arrest was a real possibility and it’s too close to Christmas for that shit.
“Oh! My! Well, I was hoping that I’d see a strong young man in the parking lot to help me heft this turkey.” She was looking me up and down and studying me. I figured she must be near blind if she thought I was either young or strong. Maybe that’s why she was looking at me so intently, wondering if she should wait for a better specimen.
“I’d be proud to help you, ma’am. Hand me your keys and I’ll unload the rest of your cart, too.” She was doing her shopping for her Christmas dinner – besides the turkey she had a dozen half gallon jugs of juice, a couple hams, potatoes, shit like that. Her cart was full to the point of overflowing.
“Why, thank you, sonny” she said as she handed me her keys. “I’d be able to handle it myself but my back is all stove up. I was raking hay a couple months ago and when I climbed off the John Deere, that damned thing rolled back and pinned me. I been sore ever since. I’m 97 years old and I ain’t never been one of them doctor people, but I’m thinking maybe I better start going.”
God, I love Southern women. I was laughing as I finished up. “Well, there you go, ma’am. Listen, if you’d like I can follow you home and unload for you. I ain’t in no hurry.”
“Thank you, but no. My grandson’s there.” She looks me up and down again. “You married?”
“Yes ma’am. That’s the only reason I ain’t made a pass at you yet.”
“God bless ya, sonny.” She was cackling away when she pulled out.

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26 Responses to It’s true, I’m a real catch

  1. Dan says:

    Made an old lady’s day. I salute you – a good man with value ll too rare these days.

  2. Paul B says:

    tough old bird for sure. 2018 – 97 get us to 1921?

    She would have been 34 when I was born.

    She would have been 8 or so when the last big crash occurred.

    Electricity, the life blood of our society had yet to get to many parts of the us. So no telephone of any kind, no refrigeration, most likely stove was feed by wood and water was pumped by hand.

    Hard life but over all I think I would like it better than what we have.

    • rick says:

      Don’t forget the TVA – TN Valley Authority, That pissed off a whole bunch of people. I remember several of my teachers in NC would rant and rave about how their families had been pushed off their lands. Class, be mindful of the government.

      • Elmo says:

        My family’s ranch in California was eminent domained in 1942 for the expansion of an army base. They were promised that if the property were ever declared surplus, the families displaced would be able to purchase their places back for what they had been paid for them.
        17 years later 40,000 acres was auctioned to the highest bidder. My family was able to win the bid on their old property for $83 an acre. In ’42, the government had paid them $14 an acre.

  3. Steve says:

    Why can’t I find the “like” button…..

  4. brighteyes says:

    Good one.

  5. SAM says:

    Who are you?
    What have you done with our Kenny?
    We don’t want him back, but it would be nice to know.

  6. Stevie says:

    You’re a babe magnet, and a gentleman. If you write the book, then you will also be a scholar…heh!

  7. Winston Smith says:

    Son, you belong here in TN.

  8. C.R. says:

    Thanks for that ! Made me smile .

  9. Mamma Jude says:

    Aww Kenny, you’re such a good man.

  10. MT says:

    You tell the best stories.
    Does it snow where you are? If so, your winter project is to write your book. If not, do it anyway or we’re all gonna come over there and make you.

  11. Skipperdaddy says:

    I love doing stuff like that. Its rubbed off on my son too. I love the look on an old womans face when you ask them if they wanna go out dancing that night.

  12. nonncom says:

    Hey, can’t fault her for tryin’….well done….

  13. james says:

    Great story. Made me smile.

  14. Andy says:

    Haha. Another story for book. Hint hint Kenny.

  15. tom hull says:

    Great story Kenny,A merry xmas from down here in New Zealand to you and all your readers.

  16. Scruff says:

    This is the kind of stuff that makes the world a better place, keep up the good work.

  17. Kim says:


  18. Bootmaker says:

    the wife says she knew you was a ‘smoothie’

  19. Jeffersonian says:

    Friend of mine ran the hospitalist service in an Iowa hospital. He was doing an admission exam on a 94 yr old woman with a broken hip. He ask her how it happened and she told him she fell while she was chipping the ice off her sidewalk. So the old people wouldn’t get hurt. Heh.

  20. the other jack says:

    that really made me happy. what a great day.

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