When you gotta go, you gotta go

I talked with my mom for a few minutes tonight for the first time in quite a while.
Neither of us have ever felt the need to stay in constant contact, except for when I was in the army when I got my semiannual letter from her right on schedule. Of course that motherfucker would be a book, because she’d write 3-4 pages every week and would only mail it off while it could still be crammed into a business envelope. Six months later I’d fire her off a half page letter, telling her I had just gotten in from the field or was fixin’ to go, I’m fine, tell Pops I said hello and give my hound Gypsy a belly rubbin for me.

But I did call her tonight, bringing my total time of telephone talking up to 23 minutes so far this year. I’d have talked to her longer but…..
She was telling me she had to go to the emergency room last night because she was in pain from being all backed up and they sent her home with some industrial strength laxative, “You know, the kind they make you drink when you have a colonoscopy.”
Oh yeah, I know the stuff. Then she told me that she’d drank it two hours before and still hadn’t gone to the bathroom. I started laughing and told her, “Well, when you do, you’re gonna shit like you ain’t never shat before, and it’s going to come on like gangbusters.”
We chatted for about 5 more minutes, her catching me up on who’s dead, who’s dying and who’s in jail and then I swear by all that’s Holy I could hear her gulp over the phone and then “I GOTTA GO LOVEYOUSON!!!” and then click.
I’m pretty sure her laxative must’ve kicked in.

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11 Responses to When you gotta go, you gotta go

  1. Putz says:

    I always love the name of one of those laxatives they use…called GoLytely…so named because it is an electrolyte solution that gets you going. Always thought it should be named Go Heavily…or Go Like a Fire hose…or something like that.

  2. Bert says:

    Make more of an effort. Someday she won’t be there and you will wish you had; questions you never asked, stories you never remembered.

  3. IslandGirl says:

    Ditto what Bert said. Lost my mom last January, and life as an orphan will never be the same.

  4. C says:

    I drive a truck OTR, which gives me plenty of time to listen to Moms stories for the 42nd time. It seems to give her some kind of comfort just to talk. I suppose at her age it’s not much of a burden on me to just to listen.
    Some day I’ll miss it.

  5. .45-70 says:

    I lost my dad, mom, and wife in a short span of time.

    There’s so much I still want to ask and say to them.

  6. Kaptain Kaos says:

    I lost my mom sixteen years ago and I still grab my phone to call her when cool shit happens. Every time I do that it’s shocking.

  7. Back woods okie says:

    The stuff I took was called Movieprep. Somehow I couldn’t stay awake for the show.

  8. The Jannie says:

    Before a colonoscopy here you’re given two packs of laxative: take one the day before the fun and one the morning of it. A colleague – I’m sure the lovely Charlotte isn’t a reader here – took both the same morning and came to work. We didn’t see much of her that day . . .

  9. WestcoastDeplorable says:

    I think I know the shit you’re talking about. Comes in a bottle and it’s kinda citrus tasting. Used to be a soft drink called “Fresca” and it would move you along too!

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